Gratitude365

My psychology instructor in college always added the phrase whatever that is to the word ’normal’ whenever it came up in discussion to denote that it’s different for everyone. I like normal. Though every day is different, the general pattern of mine is the usually the same, with certain activities (meals, chores, recreation, rest) occurring daily. Sometimes a monkey wrench gets tossed in, but not really all that often (which is yet something else to be grateful for.) When gratitude’s added to anything and everything that comes my way, whatever’s occurring at that very moment is somehow enriched, made better in some way. That’s why I’m so determined on expressing gratitude daily and encouraging it in others. It’s truly remarkable the way gratitude works!

… in thy presence is fullness of joy… ~Psalm 16:11

Gratitude is often the topic of 12 Step recovery meetings, and that is where I got hooked on becoming aware of my blessings and expressing gratitude for them. Prior to recovery, I took most things for granted. In retrospect, I felt very entitled. Sobriety has a way of opening one’s eyes to reality.

Even though I’ve been in recovery from alcoholism for more than a decade, it will always be my nemesis, since alcoholism is actually never cured. Just one drink would send me into a tailspin, and I know that now.

I need only remember what it was like ’then’ (not a pretty sight at all) to realize how blessed I am now. I never thought I’d be grateful for being an alcoholic, but in a very crazy way, it’s brought me closer to the God of my understanding. Nothing at all like the one I was brought up knowing. But One who’s opened my eyes to his omnipresence, goodness and grace. Blessings are indeed all around me, if only I will see them.

May grace and peace be multiplied to you through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. -2 Peter 1:2

What I call ‘God winks’ usually come by way of another person and always out of the blue. I had two such random episodes yesterday, and I walked away from each feeling joyful, enriched and truly grateful.

The first was while I was taking a morning walk; I surmised that the woman who passed me by was looking at RV lots for sale here at the resort, judging by the papers she carried. We struck up a conversation, and she mentioned she was from Alabama. I asked her ’where?’ and she replied, Dothan. I smiled and happily related that Dothan is where my son was born. She asked if I’d had him at the medical center or at Flowers Hospital. He was born at Flowers in 1983, and my doctor was Dr. Gannon. She couldn’t believe it; turns out that Dr. Gannon also delivered her daughter four years earlier in 1979! What a small world!

The second God wink happened while my husband and I were bike riding yesterday afternoon in Dogwood Canyon. We’d stopped at one of the scenic pullovers to take photographs, when another photographer there asked if I was using an iPhone, which I was. He inquired, did I know how to set long exposure (great for waterfalls), and when I said I did not, he showed me. What a stunning difference a simple setting adjustment made! After introductions were made, we conversed a little, mostly about what a beautiful this area is. For the second time in a day I felt overwhelming gratitude for a person I will probably never see again, and that made me feel really good.

I did not wake up yesterday with any expectations whatsoever, but it was such a beautiful day, and I was drawn outdoors. I’m grateful for inclinations like that; it seems that happy surprises always await me when I open myself up to possibilities. I’m grateful for certain special others I meet along my journey who somehow make my heart smile. I’m grateful for those God winks.

Many are saying, “Who can show us anything good?” Look on us with favor, Lord. ~ Psalm 4:6

It’s just a little before 7am on this Sunday morning, and already I’ve connected with a friend in Ohio whom I met in Bandera, Texas about five years ago. We were devoted winter walking buddies for three years until Covid came along, during which time some real heart-to-heart conversations occurred and personal things shared. No matter how many miles separate us, we are connected. One commonality is that we’re both baseball fans; I congratulated her Cleveland Indians for winning the American League Wild Card. And we both agree The Guardians is a stupid name.

It’s said that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I’m grateful that living on a boat, and now in a motorhome (and yes, a house, too), has enabled me to make friends all over the country. A few very special ones have become forever friends, and we ‘visit’ with lengthy phone calls sometimes, like the one I had yesterday with my good friend in Virginia who I met almost 30 years ago when we both lived on boats in Washington, DC. Come to think of it, we were walking buddies, too!

Life has a way of bringing people together, and when I think of all the friends I’ve made over the years because of my nomadic life, my heart fills with joy and gratitude. Reason. Season. Lifetime. That’s what friends are for.

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment -1 John 4:18

There’s nothing like a gathering of any kind—family, school, business, whatever— to launch me into that terrible habit of comparison. My own 50th high school (all-girl, Catholic) reunion was just a few months ago, and for a while, just the idea of attending filled me with dread. In retrospect, it was silly for me to waste so much energy on something so inconsequential, but I could not help thinking of myself as an outsider, as well as an outlier, and therefore didn’t belong.

Unlike the majority of my classmates, I left ”home” more than 40 years ago, opting to live life on the fly, unconventionally for the most part, first on a boat, then an RV. Even still, at the age of 68, my home is on wheels. And sometimes I even compare that to those of my neighbors. I really have to be careful of my nemesis.

When I acknowledge what is, instead of what isn’t, I realize how much I have to be grateful for. I’m outside in the fresh air every single day, soaking up sunshine—walking, bicycling, even kayaking. My health is great. I get to meet people from all walks of life. Fall foliage is gradually unveiling exquisite beauty all around me, and I’m blessed to be right in the thick of it. When it comes to my quality of life, there is no comparison.

Go your way…for the joy of the Lord is your strength. -Nehemiah 8:10

A friend of mine recently confided some personal concerns she had as we walked together the other day. She was nearly overwhelmed with uncertainty about her husband’s employment, and I could empathize. I remembered all too well feeling just that way when Covid first came on the scene. Uncertainty can be a very uncomfortable feeling.

At that same time, my husband had arranged for our RV to be in a shop in Dallas for some repairs. Because the RV is our home and also because we have two pups, we had planned to stay at my husband’s family-home in an itty, bitty town in south-central Arkansas that had once belonged to his grandparents but that had been vacant for years. God bless the people who live in this town; it’s in the middle of nowhere and not on the way to anywhere. But the price was right.

At this particular time, the RV industry exploded while the supply chain imploded. What was supposed to take no longer than two weeks dragged on and on with no estimated completion date in sight. As a city-person born and raised, I thought I’d go insane. I was so restless and discontented and definitely not fun to be around; I was in a gap of sorts.

After a few days of not doing anything particular except play solitaire with a real deck of cards, I realized that I was creating my own misery. How much longer would I continue to do it? The uncertainty of when we’d get the RV back—something that was entirely out of my control—was making me ill.

In retrospect, I can now see that it was my dissatisfaction that made me start to search for the ways and means to pull myself out of it. What a blessing! I started walking around and around the property a couple times a day, and accumulated several miles doing that. Then the idea came to do something constructive, so I pressure washed all the concrete walkways, the siding on the house, and the carport floor, which took several days. Over time, I gained acceptance about the situation, and THAT was the real miracle of the situation. We ended up staying there almost five weeks.

Now, when uncertainty pops up in my life, as it does a lot these days, I try to remember that ‘this, too, shall pass,’ and that’s a relief. I’m grateful when I remember that right here and right now, everything is alright. That’s the only thing that truly matters, and that’s okay with me.

Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life. -Proverbs 4:23

May 28, 2022

The subject of last month’s angst, my 50th high school reunion, came and went. As trite as it sounds, the experience turned out to be wonderful. To be honest though, up until the day I left for St. Louis, I considered the possibility that something would come up to prevent me from going, but that never happened. Looking back, I’m grateful things worked out such that I could go.

As I drove, I tried to remember the last time I was in my hometown. Had it really been four years?! Wow. Time really does fly. My brother and sister-in-law still live in St. Louis, and we see them fairly often…just not in there. They prefer to meet up with us wherever we are. Other than them, my only other connection to STL was my best friend from grade school, whom I’d be staying with for the weekend. Not-being-connected-anymore as a result of moving away 42 years ago was one of the fears I had going into this weekend. The other was that I was sure everyone would remember something that happened to me senior year, something for which I was (still) deeply ashamed: an unplanned pregnancy. I was not exactly the poster child of an all-girls, Catholic high school.

I’d participated in the first Zoom planning meeting, curious to know any details, unaware that i doing so made me part of the committee. As it turned out, taking that one little step beyond my comfort zone ended up banishing all the fear I’d conjured up in my head about being the odd man out. I made phone calls and reconnected with a few old classmates. Little by little as time went on and a couple more Zoom meetings happened, I could feel my fear waning.

I am one of those people who always forgets to take photos of memorable times, and then I admonish myself afterwards. But for some reason, after the last planning meeting, I was led—and I dare say spiritually led—to contact the senior class president and offer to be the photographer at the reunion. She’d completely forgotten about such an important assignment and accepted my proposition immediately. So, on the day of the reunion, that’s what I did—circulated about, snapping photos while old classmates mingled. In doing so I got to see and chat a little with most everyone, and ended up having a surprisingly good time. And it was all because I made the choice to get involved in the planning and not just be a guest.

Believe it or not, one person actually had the nerve to bring up my past. 50 years later. On one hand, I couldn’t believe it; on the other hand, this person and I had gone to three years of grade school together in addition to high school, and she hadn’t changed. Her comment said more about her than it did me. The good news is that it didn’t really bother me…in fact, I’m aware of—and truly grateful for—the lessons she’s giving me in tolerance and forgiveness. That’s because I’m older and wiser, and grateful for that, too.

Two weeks later and 200 miles away, I’m still relishing memories of the event, the anticipation of which had filled me with fear. What a complete flip flop of attitudes! Now I find myself looking forward to doing it again in five years. After all, I already agreed to be the photographer. ☺️

April 1, 2022

Unlike most of my family and friends, I did not stay in St. Louis my entire life, though I still love it and have many fond memories of having lived there. Life took me other places, and though it would be nice to have maintained old friendships, time and distance—on top of raising a family—became convenient excuses for not keeping in touch.

Several months ago, a old friend texted news of our 50th high school reunion being planned…and almost immediately, came long-buried feelings of inadequacy and not-being-good-enough. Where did that come from? And WHY? I’m 67 years old, for heaven’s sake.

Admittedly, high school does not elicit happy memories and that’s entirely on me. I was one messed up teenager! I never felt good enough, or smart enough, or athletic enough, or creative enough, or, or, or… There were many attempts to be someone I wasn’t, and just as many pathetic failures. I certainly wasn’t a loner, but I remember feeling very alone. Especially my senior year…

Of course, I’ve had a lifetime to figure out what (some of) my problems were/are, thank God, and I’d like to believe I’m not the same person I was when I was 17.

AH HA! That’s it. None of us are the same people we were back then. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden I felt immensely grateful to be the age I am. I think I have figured out where Maria can be herself. That realization made me feel very grateful for being as old as I am. For having learned the lessons I’ve learned. For realizing that I Am Enough.

December 18, 2021. Statistics show that many small businesses unfortunately do not survive the first five years. And having been a small business owner myself, I appreciate the blood, sweat, and tears that go into keeping one’s “baby” afloat. It makes me happy when local businesses not only survive, but are so successful that expansion is necessary. Here’s my daughter. She’s a single mom and brewing beer is her business. Despite Covid, lockdowns and mandates, her business has not only survived, but thrived. God is good!

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. – Luke 6:38