Gratitude365

I’m grateful for all the craziness in the world. I think it’s making even the most asleep and/or stubborn people question what’s real and what isn’t. That’s a good thing.

One has to scroll and scroll past many “Look here! headlines online before one finds anything pertinent to the concerns of most Americans. Things like toxic spills, inflation, young athletes suddenly collapsing on the field, the unexplained plummeting value of 401Ks, what’s really going on at the southern border, rampant crime, pedophilia, human trafficking, our deplorable public education system, and the list goes on. These are REAL issues Americans are concerned about.

I don’t care if Harry and Meghan go to the coronation, or if Khloe and Kris Jenner’s new clothing line is appropriate for the office. I’m tired of all the attention and allowances given to people who don’t even know what gender they are. We have some REAL problems in this country, and no one seems to be addressing them, let alone holding people accountable.

Let the absurdity continue. I’m grateful it’s making people question the narrative. I’m grateful to be living in one of the most exciting times in history.

The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble. ~Proverbs 16:4

Forgiveness. Ridding oneself of resentments. It’s uncanny how what one needs to learn is placed right in front of her, if only she has the eyes to see. That one is me. I’m working on both. I’m grateful.

It seemed like every book, e-book or emailed devotional I opened this morning addressed one or the other in explicit detail. Precise wording was even suggested (praying for the offender’s health, safety, prosperity and happiness.) There was no skirting around the issue; in order to be rid of this resentment, forgiveness needs to happen first.

Correction. The willingness to forgive has to happen before anything else. I’m grateful I’m to this point, although it’s taken more than six years. It feels as though my heart and my mind are finally aligned, and I’m able now to do the actual work. Better late than never.

Besides suggesting what to pray for, of my readings even explained how to forgive: the way Jesus forgave. Unconditionally. Willingly. Generously. Permanently. Graciously. Completely. I can’t do all that at once, at least today. At this point, I’m only willing to forgive. That alone is huge.

For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, the servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him. If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them. ~John 13:15-17

Sometimes I marvel at the inner workings of God, because He’s set my heart on forgiving someone who has imparted a tremendous amount of pain and suffering on three people I love very, very much. I don’t want to. And yet I know without a doubt that that’s God’s will.

Therefore, I have a choice to make.

I have learned in recovery that I cannot let resentment fester, because for us alcoholics, resentment is the #1 offender. It takes control of my thoughts and sets me off in a direction that goes nowhere but down. I’m grateful I know that now and recognize it for what it is: A resentment is something I must get rid of if I want to be happy, joyous and above all, free.

As Nelson Mandela famously said,

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous has a suggested plan of action if I choose to forgive this person—I’m to pray for his health, safety and prosperity every day for two weeks. Thank God for the caveat: I don’t have to mean it. But if I do it for two weeks, I’m told I’ll have a change of heart. We’ll see. The bitterness I feel now supposedly will be replaced with compassionate understanding and love. Again, we’ll see.

My choice couldn’t be any clearer: I have to forgive because I have been forgiven of my many sins. Being naturally stubborn, a part of me wants to delay, but that would be like cutting off my nose to spite my face. My two-week regimen begins today.

Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ~Luke 6:37

I’m grateful that there are only 24 hours in a day. Some days just need to be over and done with.

Such was yesterday. It was yet another unproductive court date for my daughter and three hours of wasted time for her attorney, his attorney, the mediator, and the narcissist himself. In true fashion, the narcissist changed his mind at the very last second about what had been negotiated for a couple of hours, at least. I’m grateful I am able to understand something about people like that. It’s a mental illness, and I get that.

For years, my mom had her own issues that eventually resulted in electroshock therapy and, as a recovering alcoholic, I certainly know I’ve had mine. In an attempt to understand my own abnormal behavior, I majored in special education with an emphasis in emotional disturbances and behavior disorders while in college, crazy as that sounds. I feel like mental illness has been a part of most of my life. Which is probably why I am comfortable talking about it. My recovery has taught me that acceptance ultimately brings peace, and that’s a big reason why I practice gratitude so vigorously.

I’m grateful that the past six years have inspired my daughter and me to learn what we can about a certain mental illness: narcissistic personality disorder–more out of necessity than desire, but that’s okay. Knowledge is power. It gives us something to talk about, and we even talk about writing a book someday about the experience from her viewpoint versus mine. Six years of journaling, emails, and text messages have already given us lots of fodder to start with.

And because I myself am an alcoholic, I know that he’s sick. I’m grateful that, because she’s lived with me and also with him, my daughter is beginning to understand that, too, difficult as it is.

I’m grateful that she texted me just now to say that she was “actually okay this morning” and “at peace.” That is huge! I’m grateful that there are only 24 hours in a day, and that we are given what we need to get through it.

Give us this day our daily bread ~Matthew 6:11

Yesterday I was blessed to have two very lengthy phone visits with friends, plus another with my daughter, who calls most days. Nothing lifts my spirits like hearing the voice of someone I love. Texts messages are ok, but they can be so easily misunderstood. Besides, between fat thumbs and auto correct, most text messages I send have at least one indecipherable word or two, making for even more messages explaining myself.

My circle of friends has gotten smaller as I’ve gotten older, and at first that bothered me a lot. I *know* many people, but I’m real friends with only a few. But this appears to be normal (I know because I researched it) and there have even been studies done on why it happens. It all has to do with how one views one’s own lifetime. There’s even a name for it: Socioemotional Selectivity.

The theory is that younger people—whose concept of time seems open-ended—prioritize goals that will help them in the years ahead. When it comes to connections, the more, the better because it might translate into a benefit of some sort some day, both business and personal. But when time is perceived as limited, as it does as one gets older, emotionally fulfilling and meaningful goals become more important. There’s no time to waste anymore.

All of that’s to say I’m grateful for my friends. They all know me very well and love me anyway. Thank you💞

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Within 24 hours of my posting a blog questioning my parenting-past, my daughter sent me this text:

“Remember years and years (and years) ago when you were reading the Faith Popcorn books and told (lectured, lol) me about the importance of women in focus groups? I specifically remember you telling me about how women were responsible for certain features in cars so after a fair amount of googling, I found the exact list and am using it in my non-thesis research module about diversity and inclusion 😊”

Immediately my spirit was uplifted! I think it’s awesome that a) she remembered something I told her 30 years ago, b) it’s relevant to her life now, and c) that she took the time to text me about it. I’m grateful for all those things.

The timing wasn’t lost on me. It came just when I needed it. Thanks, God. I knew that was You.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. ~Galatians 6:9

I had a good belly-laugh yesterday (the best kind🙂)!

My husband went to the office to get our mail and came home with a big box. The office people here write the receiver’s name in BIG LETTERS to make it easier for us old people to see. It eliminates 98% of the confusion.

The other 2% is someone else here at this resort with the same surname as ours, and our mail and packages and their mail and packages have gotten mixed up from time to time. So now the office writes our first AND last names on our packages and does the same on theirs.

The box was big, so ‘Maria Russell’ had been written in real big letters. There was no mistaking who this box was for.

In the corner, where the sender’s name usually is, was printed, “Happiness lies within.”

The message was not lost on me, and it cracked me up! It was as obvious a sign as could ever be, don’t you think? Happiness comes from within one’s own self, not from the outside, materialistic world.

The box’s contents—two dozen luscious, chocolate-covered strawberries will certainly make my palate happy while they last, and I’ll be grateful for each and every one as long as they do. But what I’m going to really remember most about this Valentine’s gift, and be grateful for, is the true message it brought.

Happiness lies within. What makes you happy?

He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he. ~Proverbs 16:20

Lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought about whether or not I raised my kids right—which I realize is pointless and stupid given the fact that they are in their 40’s. It’s probably because of where we happen to be spending this winter, Rockport, Texas. It’s just a short ferry-ride away from Port Aransas, where we lived on our boat with our kids almost 30 years ago, so this area is bringing back a lot of memories.

The kids, 10 and 12 at the time, didn’t like being here at all. They hated school. It was there at our daughter got into the only fist fight of her life, defending her brother from a bully. We were here only a year, and there in lies my regret. We followed wherever the job led, instead of staying put somewhere and establishing roots like most normal people do. Sometimes I wonder if that was the right thing to do; I know at the time we thought it was. Years later, I found out that one thought it was the best childhood imaginable— the other one, not so much.

In spite—or maybe because of—of a nomadic upbringing, they’ve gone separate ways, settling down in their respective communities for years. They’re both single-parenting and doing an amazing job. They both work hard. Thinking of, and being grateful for, the good, productive citizens they’ve become lessened my self-reproach.

I’m grateful I got these thoughts out of my head and onto ‘paper.’ I realize that I have a lot more things to be grateful for than to lament about. The reflection has been good for me, though. It’s shown me once again that gratitude really does change one’s perspective for the better.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. ~3 John 1:4

I’m grateful I got back on Facebook after more than two years of being off of it…or at least I think I am. So far I’m sticking to my personal goal of spending no more than 15 minutes a day on it, which is something else I’m grateful for. At first, I thought I’d allow myself 30 minutes a day, but I calculated it over a year’s time and that came out to be more than 7 whole days! That’s a lot of time I could spend on something else.

By now, I know ‘me’, and my inclination towards overdoing anything that makes me feel good, getting likes and comments included. But this is a relatively new observation; it wasn’t until I got into recovery that I was even aware of that part of me.

It’s true: What you don’t know, you don’t know.

But once you DO know the truth, what then? Either make changes for the better—or not. There will be consequences, either way.

My motives for getting back on Facebook were to connect with friends and post these gratitude blogs, which are way different than those on Midwest Gypsy… those are more of the “where we are, what we’ve done” variety. The blogs on Gratitude365 are written almost daily and often about current events. That alone makes me vulnerable, and that’s scary. But there’s a trendy saying nowadays, something about no longer giving any F’s, and I suppose that’s where I am about a lot of things. I’m willing to put myself out there. We’ll see what happens.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. ~Proverbs 27:17

Every Monday morning at 10 o’clock, I visit with one of my very dearest friends via phone call. It’s on my calendar, and I look forward to what often turns out to be an hour-long conversation, or more. She is probably the only person I trust enough to vent to about personal matters, and I am grateful for her confidence. Friends like that are not easy to find.

We have much in common…including lengthy marriages to our spouses, for one. Therefore, she’s familiar with the occasional ‘frustrations’ that go along with living with someone (in a very small space) with another person 24/7, for years. For a few minutes yesterday, we commiserated briefly about one another’s current complaints; the validation was therapeutic.

Talking it out revealed that both of us were allowing another’s behavior (which we can’t control) to affect our reaction (which we could control), and that we worried about what others would think (which we can’t control.) The revelation made us pause…

The conversation would’ve continued if not for an 11 o’clock appointment she couldn’t miss, but I had something to think about for the rest of the day. Actually, I was grateful for the time-constraint that put an end to my complaining. It seemed pretty clear that my reaction to another’s behavior is a choice (something I can control.) So I guess it all comes down to, how do I want to feel? I have total control over that. And that’s a lot to be grateful for!

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. ~ Proverbs 25:28