These three words were recently shared with me by a friend in reference to something we were talking about at the time, and she emphasized that the middle word was what made all the difference. I was grateful for the absolution, though I didn’t need it from her. I had to forgive myself.
It probably sounds crazy to someone who’s not OCD, but I had somehow allowed writing gratitude on a daily basis to become stressful. Not that I didn’t love writing. Not that I didn’t have something to write about—there’s always something to be grateful for. It’s just that–in order for the piece to be posted on that precise date–it had to be written by a certain time (sometime in the early afternoon according to GMT, but not sure exactly what time that was in the central time zone) else it would be posted on the following day. And being thrown off by that one day a few weeks ago—accentuated by self-flagellation and admonishment—turned into procrastinating many more days. I told you it would sound crazy. So, I was very aware that I’d abandoned my project. Bottom line: I didn’t know what I was going to do about it.
I don’t know how long it’s been since my last gratitude post; I’m almost afraid/ashamed to look. But this is where acceptance comes in. I’m aware that however long it’s been since I last wrote, it is what it is. I can’t change that. I feel badly that my goal of writing gratitude every single day didn’t actually happen despite my best intentions, but I don’t have to feel defeated or as though I’m a loser.
This experience has made me wonder, is acceptance a choice?
I’m beginning to be convinced it is. I realize I’ve been stuck at a crossroads. I’ve always been able to choose to either get back into the habit of writing again and not worry about the gap in between that and the last post–or not. And I’ve been thinking about it for what seems to be weeks now. I just haven’t done anything about it until now.
About a week ago I discovered a group of RV bloggers on FB that seemed worth joining. It did prompt me to write a couple of pieces for my other blog, and I was pleased about that. And grateful. So now it’s time for action on this blog: to either get back in the saddle or not.
Obviously, I’m made the choice to get back into it. I’m GRATEFUL I did. But I’m also grateful for the time in between posts, too. A lot of “life” happened, and I am grateful I was able to be present. There was a lot of time with family and friends and being in the outdoors. I’m grateful I realize that only so much can be done in the 24 hours of a day, and that it’s okay if all of it doesn’t get done. You wouldn’t believe how much I admonished myself for not writing! But I’m grateful that apparently I’m “over it.” I’m grateful for the change in my attitude.
Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. -James 1:22
